clarkeslist: Providence

So, let’s go ahead and get this out of the way. There’s only one reason I decided to go with Providence, RI this time:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever you may think of that show’s humor, there’s nothing like the humor of desperate people and weirdos. So, let’s see how much of that we can find.

—–

one man band

I think this guy needs to work on how he pitches himself. So, he can play jazz, latin, blues, whatever. He’s neglecting his most amazing feat.

Look at that picture. HE IS EFFING INVISIBLE.

—–

lots of TANKS

What they meant:

What I imagined:

—–

Mcdonalds on branch ave. crying

Wow. Good eye there, champ. What was your thought process? “Ooh, that bitch is crying? GOT EM.”

You know, I hope that chick DOES e-mail you back and you discover she’s a psycho hose beast who goes into a tearful frenzy over getting a Crispy Chicken Classic instead of a Grilled Chicken Classic.

—–

so that’s why Tobin doesn’t back gays (don’t breed more money)

This is why the Internet needs some way to express inflection. I can’t decide if this is the most backhanded compliment ever or the world’s most misguided insult.

—–

Looking for people to join paranormal Team

Normally, I skip right past this sort of thing, but now that I know there are guys like this gelled-up brochacho out there MAKING MONEY doing this, I have to look.

He's like a ghost-hunting pro wrestler. SyFy's wet dream.

We are a paranormal Team that has been Doing Investigations for Years and We have helped many Business/Homes

Now, I get the helping people in homes part. There are definitely some poor saps out there who would want these people to come in and scan or… seance and whip out their infrared cams and… PKE meters and use the ghost trap to… Sorry. Ghostbusters. That is Ghostbusters.

Anyway, businesses? Really? You’ve helped businesses? I’m gonna venture a guess here and say that the only businesses willing to let an amateur “paranormal team” “investigate” their premises are either (a) actively banking on some kind of paranormal appeal or (b) desperately poor. Either way, unless you’re a jumpy gym rat with an Axe Hair Gel sponsorship and a TV show, you’re not bringing any more business to that place.

are investigations are professional and also fun if the investigaton is not fun then there is no investigation

Little known fact: Ghosts feed on fun and, thus, congregate in areas of high frivolity. Ever been to Dave and Buster’s? Place is LOUSY with spirits.

A locus for the darkest of spiritual energy, manifested as writhing, wailing phantasms. And sometimes Firehouse Buffalo Wings.

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